You Can’t Always Get What You Want

Parenthood Season 4, Episode 9 – “You Can’t Always Get What You Want” [Original air date: Nov. 27, 2012]

If we always got what we wanted when we wanted it exactly how we wanted it, there would be very little reason for living. It is the fact that we do not always get what we want which allows us to grow both personally and professionally. This episode of Parenthood stands as a reminder that we become better and stronger individuals by not constantly getting what we want, but by working towards our goals and learning how to overcome the challenges and obstacles life may throw our way.

Time is precious, and it is true that anyone’s time can come to an end at any given moment. “I don’t know how much time there is, none of us do. I don’t want to miss out on any milestones,” Kristina says to Adam in regards to Max not wanting to attend the school dance. We do not want to live life being so cautious and worried we fail to enjoy ourselves, nor do we want to live life so on the edge we put ourselves at risk by making questionable and dangerous decisions, but we do want to live life to the fullest. It is cliché and rather unrealistic to say you should live every moment as if it is your last, but it is crucial to find out what in life is important to you and to live life with those aspects in mind.

Do you. We as humans strive to please everyone around us, but it is impossible to make everyone happy even if we wanted to. We may often find we overbook ourselves or stretch ourselves too thin. At some point we have to learn to say no. Sarah feels obligated to her boss Hank and she often gets guilt tripped by him and his messed up personal situations. She has a hard time letting anyone down, and by having that mentality it only seems she hurts others and lets herself down. Her Fiancé Mark accuses her of putting Hank before him. Still, Sarah, played by actress Lauren Graham, tries to get ahead while keeping it all together (a theme we are to see in Graham’s upcoming novel “Someday, Someday, Maybe,” being released April 30, 2013 – this book has been described as “witty, charming, and hilariously relatable” according to Amazon, much like Graham’s character Sarah in Parenthood).

Do not let yourself lose track of the fact that other people have feelings, wants, and desires too. Keeping other people in mind when making decisions can be difficult, but as Adam says, “It’s part of growing up: doing things for someone else; doing things for other people.” This theme is seen all over this particular episode, from Crosby being forced to see eye-to-eye with the “crazy homeowner lady” who moved in next door to the recording studio, to Julia struggling to accept Joel’s new job and he new role as a homemaker: Julia says, I’m ”overwhelmed or bored out of my mind. I’m not cut out for the stay-at-home mom thing and I’m not fulfilled by it.” Julia and Joel remind us how important it is to respect others. The writers of Parenthood left Julia’s storyline open with room for major potential character growth. Not everyone can accept free time, especially those who never had much free time to begin with. Julia does bring up a good point: life should be fulfilling; if it not, perhaps you should make the necessary changes in order to make it fulfilling.

Veterans have a hard time finding jobs after they get back from being overseas. Ryan’s employment situation shows this reality fairly well. There are certain questions applicants cannot be asked during a job interview such as one’s gender, age, religion, or sexuality. When the Ryan’s interviewer saw he had been in Afghanistan, Ryan was asked, “You were in Afghanistan? You ever kill anybody?” Questions like these may not be illegal to ask, but there has to be some kind of interview etiquette where people should know better than to ask such ignorant, personal, and physiologically damaging questions. While some scenes between Ryan and Amber have recently appeared forced and almost unnatural, Amber’s interaction with Zeek over her worry for Ryan came off as rather genuine. Zeek’s attitude towards what war does to those involved may have been the most real line in this episode: “War is a place where you lose who you are… and you are scared to death of what you might become.” This may also be true for situations outside of war, but it does give viewers a taste of what our military men and women are forced to deal with.

As we go through the motions and live life, it is easy to take the little things for granted. For example, at the end of this episode of Parenthood Kristina puts music on in the living room and attempts to teach Max how to dance. If we get so wrapped up in the hustle and bustle of life we may overlook the little things, or push them away all together. It is the little things that bring so much potential to what life can be; it would be a shame to not give them the time of day. We may not always get what we want, but in the words of Mick Jagger and the Rolling Stones, “If you try, sometimes you just might find, you get what you need."

One More Weekend With You

Parenthood Season 4, Episode 8 – “One More Weekend With You” [Original air date: Nov. 20, 2012]

No one said life was going to be easy. Actually, if no one has told you before, let me be the first to tell you: life is a challenge, it is frustrating, and it is going to require a great deal of give and take. Just as Parenthood shows us, we often look to blame others for our downfalls. It frequently takes learning to accept people for who they are, and situations for how they are presented to us. The two golden words to keep in your back pocket and never be ashamed use: “I’m sorry.”

Too often people keep emotions bottled up inside. Eventually those emotions are going to surface and want to come out, but we cannot always control when this happens. We are only human, after all; we are far from perfect. Though we may think we can control everything, we cannot. Like mother, like daughter – Julia had a breakdown a few episodes ago, and it was time for Sydney to do the same. While Julia and Joel have been trying to support and encourage Victor ever since adopting him into the family, Sydney has felt rather neglected. Some reasons why prove to be out of Julia’s and Joel’s hands, but other time Sydney may have had a point, just going to show the hardships a family can face when expanding the family and adding new family members: “You are not my brother!” Sydney yelled at Victor as she threw a cup of water in his face at the diner. “In case you forgot, I was here first,” she said to her parents as she went to run away from home. We can almost all remember a time when we were younger and made a plan to run away from home for one reason or another.

There really is no good time for death to grace us with its presence. But when death does knock on our front door and we are forced to deal with it, how we deal with it can teach us a lot about our own character. When Ryan has to go to take a road trip to Bakersfield for his friend’s funeral it is obvious he is shaken up about the whole situation. Still, Amber continues to say all the right things at exactly the right time, as she asks if Ryan would like company: “I’d be nice to be together; if you wanted that I’m here.” We soon learn that Ryan’s friend Evan Williams, Private First Class soldier, someone Ryan considered a brother, did not die at war, but committed suicide after making it back to the states alive. Another one of Ryan’s service buddies called Evan’s actions the “coward’s way out,” causing Ryan and him to get into a physical fight. Viewer’s got a look at the side effects of PTSD and how real it actually is. It may be hard, but we need to remember that physical violence is never the answer. The beach scene at sunset between Ryan and Amber was a little cliché, but it gave a good message: life is worth living, so surround yourself with those you love and create your own happiness.

People have sex; it is simply a fact of life. It is usually during our teenage years when we first experiment with sex. This is usually a personal choice and everyone has different views when it comes it such topics. Abstinence can make us naive, so it is probably best to get educated before making any major life decisions. Though Mark was fairly awkward when he caught Drew and Amy in the act, he dealt with the situation like a professional: are you being smart? Are you wearing condoms? Is she on the pill? Do you know about STD’s? Let’s talk about responsibility. Though teenagers experimenting with sex can be scary, it is important to keep open communication about such life choices both with your partner, as well as with those who always have your back (i.e. parents). Sarah feels shut out of her son’s life, and that is a natural feeling, especially given the circumstances. Yet the conversation Mark and Sarah have about opportunity to get closer to Drew, trying to figure out their place in this family, and having a lack of experience, are healthy conversations for anyone to have, ones which should be seem more as a work in progress rather than a find the answers and move on kind of situation.

It has been said, if there were no rainy days we would fail to appreciate the sunny days. In similar thinking, we are able to enjoy happiness because we have been able to get through frustration and hardship. Fighting in a relationship is practically inevitable, and believe it or not it is rather healthy to work through problems and disagreements together. For example, Jasmine calls Crosby a freeloader while Crosby calls Jasmine a dictator as they fight over the cocktail and hor d'oeuvres party they were throwing. In the end though, through a little give and take, the two were able to make it through and understand each other’s differences. Being a support system for one another is important, and Adam and Kristina are the epitome of such a team. Adam is willing to try everything he can to help his wife through the hard times chemotherapy is giving their family. While their house becomes somewhat of a zoo, much like Grand Central Station during rush hour, Adam does his best to keep things under control. Kristina learns that you cannot always expect yourself to be the exception to the rule: “Thought I’d be the one person who wouldn’t get sick from chemo.” This mentality can be quite dangerous, especially when it comes to activates such as trying hard drugs, having unprotected sex, or being a reckless driver. Life is too precious to take such chances.

Together

Parenthood Season 4, Episode 7 – “Together” [Original air date: Nov. 13, 2012]

As much as we sometimes want to forget about our pasts and only focus on our futures, every now and then bits of the past come back and collide with the present day. In this episode of Parenthood the time Ryan spent serving in Afghanistan is affecting his drive to find employment, as well as his ability to be open about his feelings in his new relationship with Amber. Victor’s past living arrangements appear to be holding him back from finding new friends and gaining social acceptance among his peers. Drew’s breakup with Amy earlier this season still has Drew in shambles, and his mom’s decision to have them move in with her fiancé, as well as Drew’s aunt being diagnosed with cancer, has only propelled Drew farther out of his comfort zone.

Frustration seems to be a main theme here, especially in regards to Kristina’s feelings about her cancer situation. No one really knows how to respond or react towards Kristina, so everyone wants to help or live in solidarity with her. However, the insistence on assisting is only making things harder and more overwhelming for the very person everyone seems to be trying to keep claim. How do people really deal with cancer, anyways? Cancer affects so many people, yet we all tend to feel some kind of aggravation, paranoia, and/or vulnerability. Kristina’s phone conversation with Adam really hits the head on the nail: “I feel like a prisoner in own home… I don’t like being taken care of… I feel helpless.” Kristina says she wishes things could just be normal again, but what exactly is normal? We don’t always get to choose what frustration or goodness or hardships get thrown our way. How we deal with it all is really a testament to our character. I can’t help but think of lyrics from Martina McBride’s song “I’m Gonna Love You Through It” when watching Kristina’s and Adam’s storyline unfold on screen: “The doctor just confirmed her fears; Her husband held it in and held her tight; Cancer don’t discriminate or care if you’re just 38 with three kids who need you in their lives; He said, ‘I know that you’re afraid and I am, too. But you’ll never be alone, I promise you.’”

This episode really speaks to the heart about not letting the handicaps society places on us keep us feeling unhappy and dissatisfied with life; life is too short not live everyday to the fullest. The writers of Parenthood tend to intertwine situations and ideas people face on a daily basis into the show. For example, in this episode viewers see the difficulty of searching for a job, the agony of feeling marginalized and excluded, and the awkwardness of romantic relationships and how they can wilt and die just as fast as they bud and blossom. In the end it is often the little things in life that mean the most or have the greatest impact. As humans we tend to take risks, want to try new things, and have the drive to learn more about ourselves and others. Watching Victor and Miguel speak Spanish while playing basketball inspires Julia to try and learn Spanish. Kristina is starting chemotherapy treatment in an effort to overcome the cancer which has infected her body. Ryan and Amber take their relationship to the next level, getting physical for the first time, but hint at the fact that sex changes everything. Zeek and Amy find out information they didn’t know earlier, which causes them to rethink the relationships they have with others. There is no one-size-fits-all solution to making it through life. Parenthood makes it clear that cookie cutter life expectations are a characteristic found more often in fairytales than reality.

I’ll Be Right Here - Part IV

Parenthood Season 4, Episode 6 – “I’ll Be Right Here” [Original air date: Oct. 23, 2012]
Part IV

I hope you have enjoyed my ‘live’-blogging. Here is my fourth and final post for this episode:

Why do we do the things we do? Our decisions don’t just affect us, but affect everyone around us. Sometimes we forget that our actions can have consequences beyond those just seen by the decision maker. Sarah forces Drew to move (again), and this time to Mark’s place. When she decided to move up the moving date she really didn’t take Drew’s feelings or thoughts into consideration, making him move in the middle of his senior year of high school, and not discussing it with him beforehand. While Mark tries really hard to reach out and connect with Drew, Drew fails to understand that ‘what Drew does doesn’t just affect Drew.’ In a way Drew is a hypocrite, complaining about the very thing he is also taking part in, but this is rather a realistic concept many families deal with and it’s a situation which causes great personal development. Crosby, a secular individual, immerses himself in the act of prayer with Jasper. Crosby wants to better connect with Jasper, and whether you like or dislike what someone does it is always a good idea to respect and try to understand another person’s decisions. In this case Jasper is more religious and Crosby is a tad intrigued to know how “the whole talking to God thing works.” Similar to the role reversal we saw earlier with Amber and Ryan, we see another role reversal here: Father and son practically switch places – the teacher becomes the student and the student becomes the teacher. And like many non-religious folks out there, Crosby shows that he’s not sure who to turn to during a time of crisis when he has little to no control over the outcome (i.e. sickness). Even though our actions could be wrong, are we doing the right things if we have the good of others as our driving force? Adam and Kristina basically lied to Haddie when they told her Kristina was now cancer-free. Parents are constantly looking out for their children’s future, keeping their children’s best interest at heart. I’m a believer in education and think staying in school is a good idea – it appears Adam and Kristina agree. They did what they did because they want Haddie to stay in school, but once you tell little white lie it could become easier to tell larger lies down the road.

I’ll Be Right Here - Part III

Parenthood Season 4, Episode 6 – “I’ll Be Right Here” [Original air date: Oct. 23, 2012]
Part III
My ‘live’-blogging for this episode continues. Here is post three of four:

Amber and Ryan have become the new ‘it’ couple. Sure, they aren’t officially a couple yet, but it appears they are on their way to becoming one. Call me a helpless romantic, and a sucker for Hollywood love stories and Disneyesqu storylines, but the relationship I see budding between these two lovebirds makes me feel a little giddy. The awkwardness between Amber and Ryan brings me back to my middle school years, but also stands as a reminder to viewers that this awkward time period at the start of almost all relationships is practically inevitable so we should embrace it. Ryan is super nervous to ask Amber out on a date and Amber is sweet and shocked, almost taking on the role of the wallflower (interesting, because actress Mea Whitman was in Stephen Chbosky's 'The Perks of Being a Wallflower'). Ryan tells us that life isn’t about winning or losing, but about the journey (Cliché? Maybe. But true? Without a doubt.). This fits in nicely with a phrase Adam told Sarah earlier in this episode: “You should do what feels good; life is short.” For Ryan, what feels good is the getting to know Amber, and taking things slow. While people often rush into things, Ryan shows us that it is alright to take some time to make sure you get it right. It’s as if Amber and Ryan reversed gender roles from what Hollywood and society tell us is the “normal” way of doing things. While Amber may have wanted to physically dive right in, Ryan looks to take the old-school approach to dating and explore his sensitive and emotional side. All guys could probably learn something from how Ryan acts in this episode.

I’ll Be Right Here - part II

Parenthood Season 4, Episode 6 – “I’ll Be Right Here” [Original air date: Oct. 23, 2012]
Part II

I am ‘live’-blogging while watching this episode for the first time. Here is post two of four:

Max Braverman’s view on Asperger’s: “Some people say that having Asperger’s can be a bad thing, but I’m glad I have it, because I think it’s my greatest strength.” Max’s student council presidency speech was truly inspiring, showing charisma, courage, and family love. Whether Max knew it or not, it was in this moment where Haddie felt that she was fulfilling her older sibling duty, knowing she was where she belonged and that she had a purpose, at least for a short while. Finding purpose in life can be one of the most difficult things to do (The writers of the musical Avenue Q made it a main theme of their show, and even titled one of the show’s musical numbers “Purpose.”). It was during Max’s speech where viewers were able to get inside Max’s head for a brief minute and really get a taste of what it is like to be living with Asperger’s Syndrome. Though this show is scripted, an actor shows great skill when he is able to not just recite the memorized words and fulfill his job of being an actor playing a character, but rather becoming that character and taking on the difficult task of being a truth-teller. As Max told us, those with Asperger’s have a difficult time saying hello and looking people in the eye, but they are smart, have great memories, and always keep their promises. Max’s presidential race was rooted in the concept of bringing back the vending machines to Cedar Knoll Middle School, not unlike the way William Henry Harrison’s (hero at the Battle of Tippecanoe) and John Tyler’s political platform in the 1840 United States Presidential Election: “Tippecanoe and Tyler Too.” Yet with Max, we learned all about tenacity and the positive aspects which come with it.

I’ll Be Right Here - Part I

Parenthood Season 4, Episode 6 – “I’ll Be Right Here” [Original air date: Oct. 23, 2012]
Part I

For this particular episode I’ll be ‘live’-blogging over the course of about an hour as I watch the episode for the first time. Here is post one of four:

The way people emotionally and physically react to the situations life throws at them can say a great deal about their character. Still, reactions are often like reflexes and therefore there is little we can do to stop or alter them sometimes. We cannot help ourselves when we are overcome with a certain amount of adrenaline which our body chooses to expend in ways others may have a difficult time dealing with. Our innate reactions to want o help someone through hard times, though it can be bothersome at first, is most certainly appreciated at the end of the day. The desire to assist in any way possible shows a sense of love and caring. In this episode everyone wants to help Adam and Kristina to the point where it almost creates some comic relief for the viewer: Haddie gets caught up in the moment she starts talking about taking a semester or year off from college, Julia crates a spreadsheet with two-hour time blocks to schedule hospital visiting time for individual family members, and Crosby is assigned to take Otis to the dog park and to pick up dinner; you can almost sense something is bound to go wrong.