Small Victories

Parenthood Season 4, Episode 13 – “Small Victories” [Original air date: Jan. 8, 2013]

Last week NBC announced the show Parenthood had been picked up for a fifth season. This time around the Braverman’s get a full 22-episodes; unlike the 15-episode season viewers had to deal with during season four. Our favorite family drama is coming back; now there is a reason to celebrate.

Season four of Parenthood has been dominated by Kristina’s cancer storyline, and rightfully so; when cancer strikes it effects everyone the cancer patient interacts with, and just like the decision to have a child makes all future decisions somehow related to that child, cancer does the same thing, but cancer is never a decision, but rather an unwanted and unwelcomed visitor. Regardless, it was nice to pause and take a break from the cancer storyline and have an episode focused on some of the other Braverman’s. This episode had overarching themes of dealing with others’ decisions and working through major life changes.

The Braverman writers are pretty brave, willing to tackle large and often heated topics such as puberty, teenage pregnancy, job search, and child behavioral problems. Max is hitting puberty, which can be a scary and confusing time period. Words and phrases like menstruating, ejaculation, public hair, and wet dreams, which could cause some to get awkward and embarrassed, are used as if it is no big deal (Well, is it a big deal?). There is definitely a time and place to talk about this stuff, but it is healthy for parents and children to be able to discuss these topics openly. Not looking to preach, but from personal experience I would say it is better to be educated than to be naïve, especially when it comes to your body and sexual related changes and issues you may face. Max’s refusal to shower more than twice a week causes Adam to have the “the talk” with him. Adam attempts to start a conversation about emotional versus sexual feelings. Max’s response: “Dad, I’m not ready to talk about this yet.” Not the typical answer one would expect from a kid, but then again it could be argued Max is not your “typical” kid. Getting max to shower was considered a “small victory” according to Kristina, and Max’s post-shower scene in slow motion to the song “Feeling Good” was just the right amount of comic relief needed to get viewers to laugh out loud.

Amy tells Drew she’s pregnant. Amy wants an abortion: “If I have this baby my life is over.” Drew wants to talk about other options: “There are plenty of people that would be willing to help us. I love you and that’s all that matters.” This seems to be the teenage pregnancy dilemma: keep it or abort it, and if we keep do we put it up for adoption? How realistic is it for a teenager to have a baby in today’s world and still live a “normal” life? Not really realistic at all – you can no longer live your life the way you were or the way you want to, as your life must not revolve around the life of your child. This debate reminds me of an actual debate that took place at Fordham University two years ago: “Pro Life versus Pro Lives,” regarding not saying “no” to life, but saying “yes” to the lives already in existence. It’s almost odd that Drew is against the abortion, as stereotypically it is often the girl in the relationship who wants to discuss other options. This makes me feel that Drew is more into Amy than Amy is into Drew. “I’m going to support you no matter what. I don’t want you to think I’m not here for you if you decide to keep it,” Drew tells Amy. It’s a little strange how conversations between Drew and Amy seem to only take place in Drew’s car, and there is usually much more awkward silence than there is talking. But perhaps this is realistic, as many high school hookups and sexual relations tend to take place in vehicles outside the house where the parents are usually to be found.

It was nice to see Drew’s storyline take center stage in this episode. Drew finally showed some character development, going from being somewhat of an emotionless cardboard box to showing he is a real person with thoughts and feelings. Yet, he is still a teenage boy and he embodies all the awkwardness and disinterest most teenage boys embody. I found it odd that Drew went to Amber for advice, money, and comfort since I have not gotten the close sibling vibe from Drew and Amber; the two do not usually interact much. Maybe this situation will bring about more sibling love down the road. Talking to a sibling about these kinds of situations can be less intimidating that talking to a parent. Is there a correct or easy way for teenagers to talk to their parents about being pregnant? “You may not believe it, but no matter what happens it’s all going to be fine,” Sarah tells Drew. Though Sarah was referring to Drew supposedly stressing over college applications, her words can really be applied to just about any life situation.

Mark expresses his concern for Drew and Amy on separate occasions, completely unaware of the pregnancy. Mark even visits Sarah at Hank’s photography shop. If Mark and Sarah were really over I would think the writers of Parenthood would have written Mark’s character out of the show the way they did with Ryan (Spoiler Alert: there is talk of Friday Night Lights’ actor Matt Lauria coming back to Parenthood during season five. Perhaps Amber and Ryan can rekindle their love affair). The fact that Mark’s character is still around makes me think there may still be more to come for the love triangle between Sarah, Mark, and Hank. Hank did say a line in this episode about how he still feels threatened by Mark, and Mark and Sarah discuss “fake excuses” for seeing each other. Mark to Sarah: “I feel like I gave up too easily; I should have fought for you.”

Crosby and Jasmine were kind enough to open their home to Jasmine’s mom Renee, but from a third-party point of view I do not know how to feel towards Renee. She’s living in someone else’s house because she lost her job. She landed a job, but turned it down because it was not exactly what she was looking for. Am I supposed to feel bad for her, or am I supposed to side with her? Is Renee being too picky given her situation, or is she justified to act the way she is acting? She tried playing the guilty card towards Crosby which did not settle well with me, but from experience I know job searching is never easy and it is important to be happy and comfortable with your career decisions. The Renee situation leaves me with more questions than answers.

Victor is the epitome of a behavior problem. He is rude, physically violent, unappreciative, disrespectful, and out of line regarding how he acts, what he expects, and the language he uses. I understand he did not have the easiest childhood prior to Joel and Julia deciding to adopt him, but somewhere he has to see that he is loved, wanted, and very fortunate to have what he now has. Victor seems to just be looking for attention with his “hunger-strike,” and his 911 call reporting child abuse was out of line. For some reason which is unclear, Victor is a rebel child, a bit of a wild child as some may call it, and a royal troublemaker. I believe he understands right from wrong, but that he has inner feelings he does not know how to express. Does he need therapy, counseling, or medication? It is unclear what will fix his behavior, but it is clear he most likely needs help. Though her and Joel are doing everything right – they are trying, which is all we can ask of them – it has gotten to the point where Julia admits to the social worker she is thinking of not going through with the adoption. Is Julia just giving up, or is the Victor situation really just a lost cause?

What to My Wondering Eyes

Parenthood Season 4, Episode 11 – “What to My Wondering Eyes” [Original air date: Dec. 11, 2012]

Its Christmas time at the Braverman house, but instead of just giving viewers an episode of Santa and gingerbread cookies, Parenthood also brought drama, life reflection, and some really great acting to our television screens.

While Victor and Sydney are snooping for their Christmas gifts, like many kids do leading up to December 25, Victor announces to his sister that Santa isn’t real. Julia and Joel are not sure how to respond. Julia takes the ‘Peter Pan mentality’ when she says, “I want her to have that magical feeling as long as possible.” Joel takes a more realistic approach when he proclaims, “You can’t be innocent forever.” Later in the episode it was Grandpa to the rescue! Zeek steps in when Victor and Max express not believing in Santa. He talks from ‘personal experience,’ and sums up the episode well when he says, “Santa is real, Christmas is magic, Christmas brings miracles.” Victor may still have been skeptical of Santa’s existence after Zeek’s talk, but he believed enough to believe Santa knew what he got for Christmas when the family visits Kristina in the hospital and Santa is there. Seeing is believing, but Victor’s experience proves you don’t have to see it all to truly believe.

Kristina’s white blood cells are down and her immune system is not responding. The doctors at the hospital are not very reassuring to Adam: “We’re going to give her the best care we can, but unfortunately there are no guarantees.” The mother-daughter relationship has long been viewed as a force to be reckoned with, and Hollywood has used this storyline for decades. The father-son relationship however is often placed on the back burner due to society’s view on what it means to be a man. The moment shared between Adam and Zeek at the hospital when Zeek tells Adam, “You need to take cvare of yourself, son,” and Adam breaks down in front of Zeek proclaiming he misses Zeek and needs him now more than ever, is truly a touching moment.

Since Sarah and Mark’s split, Hank and Sarah have rekindled some of their past feelings, some of which Sarah has been trying not to acknowledge. The two of them have a face-off to see which of them are more pathetic; Sarah wins. “I feel good because of you,” Sarah says to Hank, over a poorly made cocktail at the bar at the mall. “I’m not happy. I’m never going to be happy, and I’ve accepted that. But I’m almost happy,” Hank tells Sarah. Hollywood and the media seem to have crafted a sex and hookup mentality for those in their twenties, but the reality is, many people in their thirties have yet to settled down and many people on their forties are divorced and looking to start new. Hank and Sarah end up sleeping together, which is fine, but it makes me question if it is too much too fast. Until this episode, I would not have considered myself a member of the Hank fan club, but Hank is growing on me. I’m still not completely sold on the budding relationship between him and Sarah.

The fight between Amber and Ryan after Ryan comes back drunk from the bar shows some great acting skills from both Matt Lauria and Mae Whitman. However, the award for best acting in this particular episode may have to go to Monica Potter for her portrayal of Kristina. The video Kristina left to her children in the event something happened to her, not allowing her to make it through her battled with breast cancer, was some of the most touching, genuine, and heartfelt moments in Parenthood this season: “I may not always be with you the way that I want to be, but I will never leave your side. I will always be with you.” If anyone doubted Kristina’s love for her children, or Adam’s love for his wife, this scene definitely proved took those doubts away. Perhaps admitting this will make me sound vulnerable, but I could not help but cry while watching this scene.

How many chances should one allow a significant other until it is time to throw in the towel and move on? Baseball fans tend to believe in the ‘three strikes, you’re out’ concept. After Ryan’s drunk episode, Amber is not fully feeling their relationship anymore. It is apparent Amber has bit her tongue in the past and kept things to herself. She has forgiven Ryan’s faults and looked for the positives in their relationship. This time around things might be different. While Ryan may have apologized for feeling ashamed and embarrassed, and he made it clear he wants to fix things, Amber is not ready to just jump back in, and rightfully so. It’ll be interesting to see where the writers of Parenthood take Amber’s and Ryan’s relationship. If Amber and Ryan have taught us anything, it is the importance of open communication. Amber tries to do the right thing when she suggests Ryan should talk to Joel and not let this construction job fiasco go any further than it already has. But as many of us learn in life, even doing the right things doesn’t always work out in our favor.

Jasmine reminds us how short life actually is when thinking about all that Kristina is going through, which makes her realize she would like to have another baby. If Parenthood is picked up for a fifth season (which NBC would be crazy to not give this series another season!), the storyline of Crosby and Jasmine having another baby definitely has the potential to take center stage the way Kristina’s cancer storyline did during season four. Haddie showing up at the hospital at the end of this episode was rather cliché, but it fits the mold of what television/movie goers look for and expect in dramas like Parenthood. Still, “What to My Wondering Eyes” this could be seen as the perfect Parenthood episode, as it included everything one could ask for in a holiday episode (and more). Any good Christmas themed show should make you realize the importance of family, and Parenthood did just that.

Trouble in Candyland

Parenthood Season 4, Episode 10 – “Trouble in Candyland” [Original air date: Dec. 4, 2012]

It makes sense that a show called Parenthood would have something to do with parenting. This is the first episode this season where the quest for parenting advice was made obvious and put out there in an “I need some advice” from you because “you’re such a good parent,” kind of way. While Julia may be able to give her siblings all the legal advice they can ask for, Kristina could teach Parenting 101: “When you’re in the trenches as a parent, do not feel guilty about this, ok? You’ve got to do what you got to do, and you’ve got to go with what works.” Kristina was referring to bribing her children into having good behavior, what she likes to refer to as a type of incentive system. This was rather humorous, but pure honesty.

Parenthood has been able to portray Julia’s struggle with assisting Victor in completing his homework in a way the average parent probably struggles with their kids when it comes to children not understanding their schoolwork. Julia wills Victor to ace his math test; she wants him to succeed. But sometimes it’s not enough for you to want someone else to succeed, as you need that person to also personally want to succeed if success is to be reached. It is often said that beauty is in the eye of the beholder; success is no different, as we view and define success in a variety of ways. Victor is frustrated, believes he is stupid, and actually thinks he is unable to do his schoolwork. It’s sad, but I would bet we can almost all relate to a time when we felt the exact same way.

The Hank, Sarah, Mark triangle is troublesome. This odd three-way relationship is similar to real-life relationships where a third party gets in the way of the special bond two people may have, or how work can often put a strain on a romance cooking at home. In the case of Hank, Sarah, and Mark, both these scenarios can be used to sum up some of what is happening. Hank is selfish and emotionally unstable. Sarah appears immature and unfocused. Mark tries to be level-headed, but he wants what he used to have (what once was) and does not understand why he cannot get it back. Both Sarah’s relationship with Mark and Hank’s relationship with his ex-wife shows viewers the importance of finding a work-life balance, as well as the need for open communication in all relationships.

Mark practically embodies the lyrics to Kelly Clarkson’s “Already Gone” in this episode of Parenthood: “You know that I love you, so I love you enough to let you go… Someone’s gotta go… so I’m already gone.” Mark’s role throughout this episode is almost a play-by-play of the thought process which occurs when someone realizes they can no longer be with the one they are currently dating. Mark to Sarah: “You’re a great, great employee; you’re just a lousy fiancé.” Almost everyone knows someone who forever fails to see when things are good in life, or when there is no reason to continue pushing opportunities aside. In Parenthood, Sarah is this individual. Being around such a person can be stressful and can cast a negative aura over the lives of others, which may have been the straw that broke the camel’s back: “I really love you, but I can’t do this anymore,” Mark said to Sarah before walking out on their dinner at the hotel restaurant.

Mark does not buy the story that there is nothing happening between Sarah and Hank. Perhaps it has just been a series of unfortunate events which Mark has been confronted with, but the average person has a hard time denying what they see with their own two eyes. At first it appeared Mark was overreacting about a hole Sarah dug herself, but in the end Mark was in line with his thoughts and feelings. Perhaps Sarah dug herself a hole which was too deep to get out of. Sarah’s engagement to Mark had been on the rocks for a while now, thanks to her inability to say “no” and her lack of foreseeing the consequences to her actions. When she is confronted by reality and forced to look at her life she realizes she messed up, but what she does now will only be too little, too late. “It’s not my job to fix you,” Sarah tells Hank. Viewers learn a valuable lesson here: if you get to a point where you are so focused on someone else’s life you fail to focus on your own, you may have to take a step back and reevaluate the circumstances.

In a strange way, Mark is like Amber and Sarah is like Ryan. Amber is the girlfriend most guys dream to find; she is cute, intellectual, and affectionate. And like many of the Braverman family members she wants others to succeed, especially her significant other. Ryan is really trying to do well with his new job, but things just do not appear to be working in his favor. His inexperience, abundance of bad luck, and lack of encouragement from his “colleagues” creates a rather hostile work environment. “It’s a learning curve, sir,” Ryan tries to explain to Joel; learning curve or not, your success rate is going to be rather low if those you are working with (in Ryan’s case, the older and “more experienced” construction men), constantly put you down and poke fun at you in an overly negative way. This idea may have been over-emphasized in this episode of Parenthood, but perhaps this was done in order to get the point across. Regardless, Ryan’s job situation just adds more “trouble in candyland.”

While this episode may have largely been about wanting others to succeed, literarily it had to have been titled “Trouble in Candyalnd” for a reason. Hank used this expression to describe Sarah’s and Mark’s relationship, and Kristina and Julia discuss using actual candy as a way to incentivize kids into following orders. The word trouble is arguably synonymous for “problem” or “struggle.” There are many problems in this episode which the Braverman’s are forced to face: the “crazy homeowner lady” who tried shutting down Adam’s and Crosby’s Luncheonette recording studio, Ryan’s post-military depression, Mark calling off his engagement to Sarah, Hank’s daughter moving away, and Joel and Amber trying to help Ryan through a tough transitional time period. Parenthood has a great deal happening at once and this episode, though it could stand on its own, acts like a steppingstone bridging many storylines together while setting up future aspects to the Braverman journey.

I’ll Be Right Here - part II

Parenthood Season 4, Episode 6 – “I’ll Be Right Here” [Original air date: Oct. 23, 2012]
Part II

I am ‘live’-blogging while watching this episode for the first time. Here is post two of four:

Max Braverman’s view on Asperger’s: “Some people say that having Asperger’s can be a bad thing, but I’m glad I have it, because I think it’s my greatest strength.” Max’s student council presidency speech was truly inspiring, showing charisma, courage, and family love. Whether Max knew it or not, it was in this moment where Haddie felt that she was fulfilling her older sibling duty, knowing she was where she belonged and that she had a purpose, at least for a short while. Finding purpose in life can be one of the most difficult things to do (The writers of the musical Avenue Q made it a main theme of their show, and even titled one of the show’s musical numbers “Purpose.”). It was during Max’s speech where viewers were able to get inside Max’s head for a brief minute and really get a taste of what it is like to be living with Asperger’s Syndrome. Though this show is scripted, an actor shows great skill when he is able to not just recite the memorized words and fulfill his job of being an actor playing a character, but rather becoming that character and taking on the difficult task of being a truth-teller. As Max told us, those with Asperger’s have a difficult time saying hello and looking people in the eye, but they are smart, have great memories, and always keep their promises. Max’s presidential race was rooted in the concept of bringing back the vending machines to Cedar Knoll Middle School, not unlike the way William Henry Harrison’s (hero at the Battle of Tippecanoe) and John Tyler’s political platform in the 1840 United States Presidential Election: “Tippecanoe and Tyler Too.” Yet with Max, we learned all about tenacity and the positive aspects which come with it.

There’s Something I Need to Tell You…

Parenthood Season 4, Episode 5 – “There’s Something I Need to Tell You…” [Original air date: Oct. 9, 2012]

Somewhere someone is doing something right when it comes to the show Parenthood. I squealed with excitement, muttered the word “What?” under my breath with shock, smiled with happiness, and cried my eyes out with uncontrollable emotion, all during this single 44-minute episode. Not sure if I should thank Patrick Norris who directed this particular episode, Jason Katims who wrote it, or the cast who brought the story alive; perhaps it was a collective effort. Regardless, this episode of Parenthood is bold, and appears to be both a turning point for the show’s storyline, as well as a major steppingstone for character development among many of the Braverman family members.

Finding a work life-family life balance is nearly impossible, and viewers get a glimpse here at how work can interfere with some of our other priorities. Work can be overwhelming to the point where you literally feel as if you’re being pushed over the edge, causing yourself to reach your breaking point. This seems to be the case with Julia and her job at the law firm. No one is superhuman, though many of us may try to be. Julia’s quest for perfection, along with her “I can do it all” mentality, becomes too much; a feeling many can probably relate to. She misses Sydeny’s recital, leaves Victor’s baseball game early, and hasn’t been able to fully tell Joel what’s been bothering her. Julia’s struggle is a great example of how work can cause us to worry: If I mess up I can lose my job, I need to please “the man,” I have deadlines which must be met, my mistakes could cause this company to fail, I could be the reason this company gets sued, I can’t focus on family because I need to do these assignments for work, etc. Julia’s struggle is also an example of how you have the power to change your own life: if you’re unhappy you can – and should – do something about it.

Work provides us with financial stability. However, when our family life changes our work paychecks don’t always change in the same fashion. Keeping a family together and raising children costs a whole lot of “cheddar,” and making that cheddar or asking for more can be difficult. Crosby understands, like many working individuals, that no one wants to have to live paycheck-to-paycheck. Work can also change our romantic relationships, as seen in Sarah’s ordeal with co-worker/boss Hank. When other options knock at your door, particularly options which may intrigue you, you might second guess personal decisions. Vulnerability is seen throughout this episode, and though many people may fear being vulnerable, it is sometimes when we learn the most about ourselves and those around us.

It has been said that “distance makes the heart grow fonder,” but sometimes distance is too much to handle. Haddie, much like Julia, cannot focus on her work because of what is happening at home. In Haddie’s case, it is learning her mother has cancer and feeling helpless because she I so far away from home. Ryan just came back from Afghanistan – he was removed from reality, physically and mentally, and is now struggling to readjust after being distant for some time: “I’m sick of people looking at me like I’m a veteran, like there’s something wrong with me, like its broken or something. I don’t want to be a veteran, I’m just Ryan.” No one is alone in this world, no matter how alone we may feel at times. Parenthood reminds us about caring and love, and how important it is to show you care about and love those who matter most in your life. Whether it is because these people are part of your family or because you want to be there to help these individuals through tough times, everyone deserves to have some kind of support system. Zeek takes Ryan under his wing, and the Braverman family comes together for Victor during his baseball game. The theme of caring through love comes full-circle when Kristina shares about her cancer diagnosis. It is so easy to let other things like work get in the way of being there for your family. Perhaps we just need to practice being present and remind ourselves to say “I love you” a little more often. We are only human, but we cannot lose track of what we value most.