What to My Wondering Eyes

Parenthood Season 4, Episode 11 – “What to My Wondering Eyes” [Original air date: Dec. 11, 2012]

Its Christmas time at the Braverman house, but instead of just giving viewers an episode of Santa and gingerbread cookies, Parenthood also brought drama, life reflection, and some really great acting to our television screens.

While Victor and Sydney are snooping for their Christmas gifts, like many kids do leading up to December 25, Victor announces to his sister that Santa isn’t real. Julia and Joel are not sure how to respond. Julia takes the ‘Peter Pan mentality’ when she says, “I want her to have that magical feeling as long as possible.” Joel takes a more realistic approach when he proclaims, “You can’t be innocent forever.” Later in the episode it was Grandpa to the rescue! Zeek steps in when Victor and Max express not believing in Santa. He talks from ‘personal experience,’ and sums up the episode well when he says, “Santa is real, Christmas is magic, Christmas brings miracles.” Victor may still have been skeptical of Santa’s existence after Zeek’s talk, but he believed enough to believe Santa knew what he got for Christmas when the family visits Kristina in the hospital and Santa is there. Seeing is believing, but Victor’s experience proves you don’t have to see it all to truly believe.

Kristina’s white blood cells are down and her immune system is not responding. The doctors at the hospital are not very reassuring to Adam: “We’re going to give her the best care we can, but unfortunately there are no guarantees.” The mother-daughter relationship has long been viewed as a force to be reckoned with, and Hollywood has used this storyline for decades. The father-son relationship however is often placed on the back burner due to society’s view on what it means to be a man. The moment shared between Adam and Zeek at the hospital when Zeek tells Adam, “You need to take cvare of yourself, son,” and Adam breaks down in front of Zeek proclaiming he misses Zeek and needs him now more than ever, is truly a touching moment.

Since Sarah and Mark’s split, Hank and Sarah have rekindled some of their past feelings, some of which Sarah has been trying not to acknowledge. The two of them have a face-off to see which of them are more pathetic; Sarah wins. “I feel good because of you,” Sarah says to Hank, over a poorly made cocktail at the bar at the mall. “I’m not happy. I’m never going to be happy, and I’ve accepted that. But I’m almost happy,” Hank tells Sarah. Hollywood and the media seem to have crafted a sex and hookup mentality for those in their twenties, but the reality is, many people in their thirties have yet to settled down and many people on their forties are divorced and looking to start new. Hank and Sarah end up sleeping together, which is fine, but it makes me question if it is too much too fast. Until this episode, I would not have considered myself a member of the Hank fan club, but Hank is growing on me. I’m still not completely sold on the budding relationship between him and Sarah.

The fight between Amber and Ryan after Ryan comes back drunk from the bar shows some great acting skills from both Matt Lauria and Mae Whitman. However, the award for best acting in this particular episode may have to go to Monica Potter for her portrayal of Kristina. The video Kristina left to her children in the event something happened to her, not allowing her to make it through her battled with breast cancer, was some of the most touching, genuine, and heartfelt moments in Parenthood this season: “I may not always be with you the way that I want to be, but I will never leave your side. I will always be with you.” If anyone doubted Kristina’s love for her children, or Adam’s love for his wife, this scene definitely proved took those doubts away. Perhaps admitting this will make me sound vulnerable, but I could not help but cry while watching this scene.

How many chances should one allow a significant other until it is time to throw in the towel and move on? Baseball fans tend to believe in the ‘three strikes, you’re out’ concept. After Ryan’s drunk episode, Amber is not fully feeling their relationship anymore. It is apparent Amber has bit her tongue in the past and kept things to herself. She has forgiven Ryan’s faults and looked for the positives in their relationship. This time around things might be different. While Ryan may have apologized for feeling ashamed and embarrassed, and he made it clear he wants to fix things, Amber is not ready to just jump back in, and rightfully so. It’ll be interesting to see where the writers of Parenthood take Amber’s and Ryan’s relationship. If Amber and Ryan have taught us anything, it is the importance of open communication. Amber tries to do the right thing when she suggests Ryan should talk to Joel and not let this construction job fiasco go any further than it already has. But as many of us learn in life, even doing the right things doesn’t always work out in our favor.

Jasmine reminds us how short life actually is when thinking about all that Kristina is going through, which makes her realize she would like to have another baby. If Parenthood is picked up for a fifth season (which NBC would be crazy to not give this series another season!), the storyline of Crosby and Jasmine having another baby definitely has the potential to take center stage the way Kristina’s cancer storyline did during season four. Haddie showing up at the hospital at the end of this episode was rather cliché, but it fits the mold of what television/movie goers look for and expect in dramas like Parenthood. Still, “What to My Wondering Eyes” this could be seen as the perfect Parenthood episode, as it included everything one could ask for in a holiday episode (and more). Any good Christmas themed show should make you realize the importance of family, and Parenthood did just that.

Together

Parenthood Season 4, Episode 7 – “Together” [Original air date: Nov. 13, 2012]

As much as we sometimes want to forget about our pasts and only focus on our futures, every now and then bits of the past come back and collide with the present day. In this episode of Parenthood the time Ryan spent serving in Afghanistan is affecting his drive to find employment, as well as his ability to be open about his feelings in his new relationship with Amber. Victor’s past living arrangements appear to be holding him back from finding new friends and gaining social acceptance among his peers. Drew’s breakup with Amy earlier this season still has Drew in shambles, and his mom’s decision to have them move in with her fiancé, as well as Drew’s aunt being diagnosed with cancer, has only propelled Drew farther out of his comfort zone.

Frustration seems to be a main theme here, especially in regards to Kristina’s feelings about her cancer situation. No one really knows how to respond or react towards Kristina, so everyone wants to help or live in solidarity with her. However, the insistence on assisting is only making things harder and more overwhelming for the very person everyone seems to be trying to keep claim. How do people really deal with cancer, anyways? Cancer affects so many people, yet we all tend to feel some kind of aggravation, paranoia, and/or vulnerability. Kristina’s phone conversation with Adam really hits the head on the nail: “I feel like a prisoner in own home… I don’t like being taken care of… I feel helpless.” Kristina says she wishes things could just be normal again, but what exactly is normal? We don’t always get to choose what frustration or goodness or hardships get thrown our way. How we deal with it all is really a testament to our character. I can’t help but think of lyrics from Martina McBride’s song “I’m Gonna Love You Through It” when watching Kristina’s and Adam’s storyline unfold on screen: “The doctor just confirmed her fears; Her husband held it in and held her tight; Cancer don’t discriminate or care if you’re just 38 with three kids who need you in their lives; He said, ‘I know that you’re afraid and I am, too. But you’ll never be alone, I promise you.’”

This episode really speaks to the heart about not letting the handicaps society places on us keep us feeling unhappy and dissatisfied with life; life is too short not live everyday to the fullest. The writers of Parenthood tend to intertwine situations and ideas people face on a daily basis into the show. For example, in this episode viewers see the difficulty of searching for a job, the agony of feeling marginalized and excluded, and the awkwardness of romantic relationships and how they can wilt and die just as fast as they bud and blossom. In the end it is often the little things in life that mean the most or have the greatest impact. As humans we tend to take risks, want to try new things, and have the drive to learn more about ourselves and others. Watching Victor and Miguel speak Spanish while playing basketball inspires Julia to try and learn Spanish. Kristina is starting chemotherapy treatment in an effort to overcome the cancer which has infected her body. Ryan and Amber take their relationship to the next level, getting physical for the first time, but hint at the fact that sex changes everything. Zeek and Amy find out information they didn’t know earlier, which causes them to rethink the relationships they have with others. There is no one-size-fits-all solution to making it through life. Parenthood makes it clear that cookie cutter life expectations are a characteristic found more often in fairytales than reality.

The Talk

Parenthood Season 4, Episode 4 – “The Talk” [Original air date: Oct. 2, 2012]

Communication is the key to a successful relationship. When we have trouble properly communicating, or if we fail to effectively communicate – not sharing how we feel, purposely withholding information – relationships which otherwise would flourish, or relationships with great potential, suddenly hit a rough patch. Communication is based off understanding, awareness, and connection. Unless two people are on the same page, they are unlikely to fully understand each other. If one person in a relationship is more or less aware of the other in the relationship, it shows that the two parties are bringing varying levels of effort to the table. No relationship is perfect, because if it were life experience would never allow those in the relationship to learn and grow. Therefore it takes personal desire and natural chemistry to connect two people in a bond that may at times feel like perfection. When understanding, awareness, and connection are aligned communication is a given, but as we see in this episode of Parenthood, finding this alignment is far from easy, especially when trying to communicate with those of a different age level.

The world is quite different today from when our parents grew up, yet a great deal is similar even if people do not always see it this way. Joel and Julia desperately want their son Victor to get out and do something fun and physical where he meets and interacts with others kids, as Victor is quite stubborn, not fully adapted since being adopted, and basically plays videogames all day long, perhaps because he feels very much in his comfort zone while doing so. Technology is a barrier parents all over have to deal with when trying to communicate with their children, and parents may never understand the videogame craze of this generation – Radio City Music Hall’s Christmas Spectacular even added a technology and videogame component to its famous holiday show this past Christmas season. Joel tries to find common ground with Victor by introducing him to a hobby he grew up loving: baseball. But nothing comes easy, especially when trying something new. Parenthood shows the struggle a child faces while being the odd-ball-out, and it sheds light on the often hard to deal with situation of raising a child which isn’t biologically yours. The line “You’re not my real Dad” is never something a stepfather, foster father, or adoptive father wants to hear, but the reality he probably will hear it as both kids and parents have a hard time finding where they belong and how they define “family.” Until it is realized that family does not have to mean blood-related, tension is bound to get in the way of allowing relationships to fully blossom.

We all know people who constantly put others before themselves. This is great, but these people often lose out and fail to take care of themselves. Physical and mental health is extremely important, and it is not selfish to put yourself first every now and then. Kristina is forever putting her family before herself, as many parents do. However, what good are you to your family and kids if you are no longer there? We are not the Energizer Bunny, and we will eventually breakdown if we do not give ourselves a break and treat ourselves once in a while. Kristina wants to be there for her son Max. Adam is concerned though, as Kristina puts dealing with Max’s Asperger’s in front of trying to beat her breast cancer. As a parent though, there is really only so much you can do before you give up your life and stop fully living. Max needed 25 signatures in order to be eligible to run for student council. What is challenging for one person may seem like nothing to someone else. Max got 25 “signatures,” yet some students didn’t actually sign their name, but wrote inappropriate or offensive slurs instead. One student wrote “Retard” on the signature line, making fun of Max’s handicap. Parenthood arguably joins the “R-Word” Campaign in the episode, and the pledge to Spread the Word to End the Word. Adam and Kristina really can’t talk to Max about this, as he won’t understand, but they struggle to decide on whether or not Max should still run for student council. Getting those signatures, whether they were actual signatures or not, was a huge effort on Max’s part. Would Adam and Kristina be setting their son up for failure by letting him run? Is it wrong to let kids learn to lose? When do we let go of their hands and allow them to fail on their own? Do the answers to these questions change if the child in question has a mental disability? Many questions are raised here. Max’s teacher advises against letting him run, telling Kristina that it’s hard for a “kid like Max,” implying that it’s hard or someone with a disability to be like the other kids, to do what they other kids do, and to be accepted as normal.

Crosby is white and Jasmine is back, making their son Jabbar biracial. This episode of Parenthood dives into the loaded topic of race, the differences between whites and blacks, and playing the race-card. Do blacks and whites not understand each other? Will they, or can they ever understand each other? How we think and speak about race legally versus socially is like oil and vinegar. The conversation of race is brought up thanks to music. Music, especially in today’s world, uses all types of violet, foul, and offensive language. Though this may not be the most ideal way of a child being exposed to these topics, sometimes this is how our children are exposed to more “adult” language. Perhaps we can think of foul language, and the definitions of words, to be like the topic of “sex” – if kids are old enough to ask about it, they are probably old enough to know a little about it. Would this be shattering our children’s innocents? Maybe. But as Jasmines sees it, she’d rather have her kid hear it from her first, before he hears it from someone else. Today’s world almost leads itself to forcing children into growing up faster and leaving their childhoods behind (rather opposite of the Peter Pan and Never Neverland teachings), and it isn’t until later in life where we wish we could get back your carefree childhood mentalities.

Parents cannot possibly understand and relate to everything their children are going to experience. Because of things like race, gender, ability, background, and age differences, no two people are the same. We are all different, and may all feel helpless at times. Crosby mentions that he felt “invisible” when Jasmine spoke to Jabbar about the N-word, saying he could not relate and was scared he would not be able to relate to other aspects of his son’s life in the future. We learn of this after Crosby tells Jasmine he had nothing to add to Jasmine’s talk to Jabbar. This is not unlike Adam’s situation where he had a hard time telling Kristina he didn’t want her to push back her operation; through these two storylines we see the importance of communication in a relationship. Though it is a relationship outside the Braverman family, Hank has to deal with trying to connect with his daughter Ruby even though he and Ruby’s mother are separated. Divorce puts a great deal of strain on a family, and all relationships related to that family. With the help of Sarah, Hank is able to reconnect with Ruby, even if Ruby is entering her teenage years, feeling she needs more independence, and thinking she wants less parental guidance. Not forcing your children to do anything they don’t want to do, and letting them be themselves is a strong message from Joel in this episode of Parenthood. Doing things you’ve never done before takes a sense of courage and bravery; no one likes being “the new kid.” Victor’s baseball storyline and Max’s run for student council president are very similar in this sense. We all strive to be normal, but what is normal anyways? We all look to assimilate in order to fit in and feel accepted. But as Parenthood brings to our attention: maybe we can be something different; something new.